5

Monday, 12-3-07

Clem: Yew ready fer Christmas, cuz?

Lem: Yup!

Clem: Oh, rilly? Whut yew done to prepare?

Lem: Booked a night in a manger.

Clem: In a manger?

Lem: Yup. Sally Jo wantered to go to a birfin’ cinter, but Ah said no way! Whut’s good enough for Jesus’s momma is good enough for her.

Clem: Whut if Sally Jo don’t have the baby by Christmas naht?

Lem: Then we’ll jest go back to the shed behind Aunt Larry’s.

Clem: It’s kinder manger-y anyway.

Lem: Hadn’t thought-a that. Yore right!

Clem: Mmm hmm.

Lem: Wonder if Ah kin git my manger deposit back.

5

Tuesday, 11-13-07

Clem: Why the long face?

Lem: Ah got mah head caught in Uncle Annis’s teat stretcher, if’n yew must know!

Clem: (stifles a chortle)

Lem: Laugh if’n yew want, but a face ain’t meant to be stretched so.

Clem: Ah’m sorry. Ah din’t mean ta laugh.

Lem: Wail, go ahead an’ say it!

Clem: Say whut?

Lem: “Ah tol’ yew not to mess with Uncle Annis’s teat stretcher!” Say it! Yew know yew want to.

Clem: Ah’d never say ‘er.

Lem: Ow, it hurts.

Clem: Looks painful.

Lem: An’ now all of my hats is too big for mah haid. 

5

Wednesday, 10-17-07

Clem: Yew look tickled.

Lem: Yeah. Ah am.

Clem: Care to say why?

Lem: Not rilly.

Clem: Why no - wait a mennet - where’s mah jacket?

Lem: (snickers)

Clem: Ah lef’ mah jacket on the balustrade agin, din’t Ah?

Lem: Ah hope not. My momma tol’ yew yew best not do ‘er agin.

Clem: Where’s mah jacket?

Lem: (studies ceiling)

Clem: Yew stuck mah jacket in the smokehouse agin, din’t yew?

Lem: (shrugs)

Clem: Took six weeks ‘fore the dawgs stopped follerin’ me last tahm.

Lem: (shrugs)

Clem: (walks off, muttering to self)

5

Sunday, 10-7-07

"How is the man who is so wealthy he becomes dulled to the thrill of biting the head off a crawfish better off than the poor man who can afford crawfish so rarely that each instance of biting the head off of one is like the first?” - Clem

5

Sunday, 9-23-07

“‘Hit ain’t how fast yew walk down to the river, ‘hit’s whether they’s enough daylight left to skin the cat by when yew git back.” - Clem

5

Sunday, 9-16-07

Clem: You ‘member whut today is?

Lem: Sundee!

Clem: An’? Whut else?

Lem: (scratches head) Mah birfday?

Clem: No, hit’s the day we’s ‘sposed to go faish’n wif Aunt Larry!

Lem: Whut?! Tha’s redeckulous.

Clem: Why so?

Lem: Cuz no faish in his raht mind is gonna fall for Aunt Larry as no bait is why!

Clem: No, yew idjit. We ain’t… we’s ‘sposed to… aw, fergit it.

Lem: Ah, mean, granted, the scent is daid on.

Clem: Ah said fergit it.

Lem: But her looks’d scare off most anything but bottom feeders.

5

Monday, 9-3-07

Lem: (sigh!)

Clem: Whut’s got yew so down in the mouf’, cuz?

Lem: Ah’m sad cuzza whut ‘at ‘ol Michael Vick dun.

Clem: Yeah, ‘em dawgs whut suffered. Sad.

Lem: Oh. (pause) Yeah. (pause) That too.

Clem: Whut else’s there to be sad ‘bout?

Lem: Ah had ol’ Mike on mah fantsy team, an’ Ah’m in one ‘em keeper leagues.

Clem: (speechless)

Lem: Ah’ll never win ‘at shiny trophy now.

Clem: (walks away, shaking head, muttering)

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