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EXIT HERE:
(roll over links for descriptions)
BoingBoing Kircher Society TheSmokingGun ZeFrank.com Austinist ForpStudios Channel Technorati Idolator Deadspin Banterist Slate The Note McSweeney's Humor-Blogs.com Mattress Police
xkcd Can't Stop the Bleeding Toothpaste for Dinner Achewood johnratliff.net
Y'all come back!
Wednesday, 8-8-07
“‘N as fer me, Ah hain’t gon’ judge no man whut Ah ain’t worn his shoes first. Unless he wears them shoes wif allem holes in ‘em - them’s uuuugggg-lee!” - Lem
Monday, 7-23-07
Clem: Whussat yew got thar?
Lem: (quickly hiding object in his hand behind his back) Nuth’n.
Clem: Uh huh.
Lem: Ah ain’t got yore sooper-secret faish’n loor.
Clem: (knowing smirk) Raht.
Lem: An’ Ah wun’t trine ta ‘verse injuneer ‘er so’s Ah kin git mah own patent own ‘er...
Clem: Mmm-kay.
Lem: ... so’s Ah kin git rich ‘n’ quit workin’. Honest, Ah wun’t! Ow!
Clem: (false concern) Whut’s wrong, dear cuzzin?
Lem: Thank one ‘em hooks is stuck in mah fanger.
Clem: One ‘em hooks fum ‘at loor whut ain’t in yore hand ‘hind yore back?
Lem: (grateful to be understood) Uh huh. Raht. Zackly.
Clem: (shakes head, walks away, muttering something unintelligible)
Tuesday, 6-19-07
Clem : Whut’s got yew all in a hah dungeon, ol’ son?
Lem: Ooh, hit’s them Demmies, pickin’ at ol’ George agin.
Clem: Whut they sayin’ now?
Lem: They talkin’ ‘bout the surge, how she ain’t done no good.
Clem: Wail, now if’n yew jest gonna look at people dyin’ and stuff blowin’ up and the lahk...
Lem: That’s whut Ah say! Nitpickers, they is!
Clem: Give ‘er some tahm!
Lem: Ezackly! We ain’t but about five years into this scrap.
Clem: Not long ‘t’all.
Lem: Yew gonna judge a five-year-ole chile on how good he is at stoppin’ some war?
Clem: Woon’t be fair.
Lem: Woon’t be fair ‘t’all!
Clem: Now Ah’m all mad.
Lem: Ooh, hit chaps me bad.
Tuesday, 5-22-07
Clem: Wail, Ah got an answer back fum Condaleezer.
Lem: An’?
Clem: She say she’s busy that naht.
Lem: Dang!
Clem: (stifles sob) Ah’ll be OK.
Lem: Shore yew will, ol’ son!
Clem: Guess Ah’ll go to the stock show by mahsef.
Lem: Bitter to’ve loved ‘n’ loss, Ah say.
Clem: Yeah. (sniff!)
Lem: Aw…
Tuesday, 5-1-07
Clem: Hoo, she’s May Day, ol’ son!
Lem: Dang it!
Clem: ‘S wrong?
Lem: Ah remembered to git a punkin, but Ah forgot to git a costume!
Clem: But Ah’m talking ‘bout May Day.
Lem: Ah, know! Ah’m such a idjit.
Clem: Hmmm.
Lem: Dang!
Wednesday, 4-11-07
Clem: Wail, dang.
Lem: Whussamatter?
Clem: Aw, ‘em ol’ Polecats lost agin las’ naht.
Lem: Hoo!
Clem: Yew rootin’ aginst ‘em?!
Lem: Shore!
Clem: Ah din’t know yew even cared about no baseball.
Lem: Huh?
Clem: Yew rootin’ aginst ‘em Polecats, raht?
Lem: Yeah, cuz one of ‘em sprayed my best dog with stinky!
Clem: (sigh)
Lem: Ah had to worsh ‘im in tamater juice three tahms afore Juleene’d let me brang ‘im back inta bed!
Tuesday, 3-20-07
Clem: Looks lahk ol’ Angie Jolly gon’ quit actin’.
Lem: Naw!
Clem: Yup. She gon’ spind her tahm wif ‘em young’ns.
Lem: ‘N she hain’t gon’ be in no movies no more?
Clem: Nope.
Lem: Dang. (sigh)
Clem: Whut?
Lem: There goes mah dream.
Clem: Whut dream?
Lem: Mah dream of takin’ actin’ lessons ‘n’ gittin’ ta star in a remake of “Gone wif tha Wind” wif Angie. (sigh)
Clem: It’s still Sandy Bullock, ain’t it?
Lem: Frankly, mah cuz -
Clem: No, no, please don’t say ‘er!
Lem: OK, the hell wif it.