Monday, 5-7-07

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LA CREPERIE, IA - A local man was taken to the hospital after trying to get into the Guiness Book of World Records by eating a hardcover copy of the book.

Harlan Josephson invited representatives of the local media to witness his attempt at immortality, which he staged at Tomes ‘n’ Such, a local book retailer, last week. As it turned out, Filler’s was the only news organization to cover the event.

About five minutes into his attempt, shortly after swallowing the spine of the book, Josephson started exhibiting some signs of physical distress. Emergency room physicians at Waver County Hospital were able to dislodge pieces of shredded binding lodged in Josephson’s throat, but not before he suffered permanent brain damage. Tragically, doctors said that if a directive from Filler’s brass to avoid becoming “part of the story” had not prevented this reporter from calling 9-1-1, Josephson might still be able to count to three without using his fingers.

A spokesperson for the Guiness Book said that even if Josephson had succeeded, his effort would not have merited inclusion in the book, as book-eating doesn’t rank with legitimate world record feats such as marathon nose-picking. 

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